The problem that I see these days is a lot of people are surround themselves with others that add no value to their life. And for this blog remember, we're not talking about a monetary value. But people who don't provide you with anything that's going to benefit you or make the quality of your life better. That may sound selfish but it's okay to be selfish sometimes. It's actually crucial to be selfish if you want to grow and improve your life. You can't be worried about the feelings of others if it's going to hold you back. But even just being around certain people will hold you back. Maybe it’s someone who has no goals or ambition. Or maybe someone who only takes from you, and they never want to give anything back. They are quick to ask for help, but never provide any help in return. I'm sure we all know someone like that. In fact, I bet someone just popped into your head right now. Those kinds of people are preventing you from moving forward and reaching your goals. They're holding you back.
Now everyone has all kinds of excuses for why these people are in their lives and why they have to be. Any of this sound familiar?
- They're my family member.
- I have known them my whole life.
- We've been through so much together; I have to stick with them.
- I don't want to hurt their feelings.
The reality is, there's a time and place for every person in your life. That may be a short time or a long time. Most people are not intended to be there for your whole life. Already in your life you've met people with whom you no longer associate, for whatever reason that may be. That's just how it goes. If you were still associated with every person you’ve ever encountered your life would be even more chaotic than it already is. Now maybe these people did add value to your life but now they don't. Maybe they've never added value. Just like you move from elementary school, to middle school, to high school, to college, etc you have to continue to move on. Once you learned what you were supposed to from that school, or that grade, their purpose was complete, and you left it behind to move to the next one. You need to do the same with people whose purpose with you is done.
So maybe at a young age you had no control over things like your siblings, your parents, your uncles or whoever. When you're four, five, six years old you don’t get much of a say in whether or not that person is around you. However, the fact that they are your family members doesn't mean that they're good for you. Family can be toxic. Toxic is toxic regardless of who they are or what their association is to you. You have the choice to not associate with someone, even if they are family. So, let’s go over some important information.
Why it matters.
Now maybe you're thinking “well why is that so important?” “I'm doing just fine” Maybe you are doing fine. But maybe you could be doing better. You may think that person doesn't affect you. Just because they have no goals or ambitions or any drive to do anything doesn't mean that I don't have the drive to do something. Well, you’re wrong. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news. They are affecting you. It's directly related. You can make all the excuses and if, ands and buts and all that but It still affects you. They say you are what you eat. Well you are who you choose to associate with if you.
Who are you spending your time with?
Take a look at someone's circle of friends. There’s a good chance that everybody is probably fairly similar. Everyone has their differences obviously, no two people are exactly the same, but their friend group is most likely going to be very similar minded with very similar ambitions. You'll notice that if you take a look at the friends of those who are wealthy that they pick their friends wisely. Do you think that they are spending a lot of their time with average Joe over there who wants to sit on his couch, watch Netflix and eat potato chips all day living off the government check? Doubtful. They're helping each other grow. Encouraging one another. Talking about their business ventures, they're investments, sharing their wisdom and adding value to each other's lives. If you can share a bit of knowledge, an experience or just have conversations that are more than just the latest gossip, you can add value.
I can’t tell you who you can and cannot hang out with. But I strongly suggest you re-evaluate the people in your life and decide what's important to you, who's providing that value, and who's not.
The guy over there who only wants to party and get super drunk every time you hang out or he wants to just sit on the couch and get high, not do anything. That’s not valuable and you probably don't want to associate with that guy because you can't really be friends with that person and not do those things if that's all they're wanting to do. So that's what you're going to do. That's what you are who you hang out with means. The more time you spend with that person the more you're going to be doing those things and that's not going to help you get anywhere or do anything to help you grow. Elevate the company that you keep, otherwise you're going to be stuck in the same situations that you are in now or repeat situations that you've been in the past.
You can’t get it back.
It's vital to surround yourself with good people. Your time is valuable, whether you think so or not. It’s valuable because you only get one shot, that’s it. Money can be spent then you can make more money. You can always go to work, make another investment, start more side hustles. But you can't regain your time. Once you've spent your time, that's it. You can't get that time back. It is gone. So, time is one of the most valuable aspects of your life. In my opinion there is nothing more valuable than time. That’s why we chase wealth. Yes, we want more money, but what we really want is the freedom to be able to do what we want with our time and not spend it constantly chasing money. Choosing to spend your time wisely is crucial but choosing WHO you spend that time with is also very important.
So I know you’re thinking, “What about my family?” Can't pick who your family is, you’re born into it. You're right, that wasn't your choice. What is your choice though is whether you associate with them. I assume that most of you reading this are now of an age where you’re not forced to be around them constantly. But “She’s my mom.” “He’s my dad.” How can I just not talk to them? If they are truly that of so little value, if they are a hindrance holding you back, or toxic to your life then it is acceptable to cut them out for your benefit. This life is FOR YOU. It's not for them. You’re not here to please anybody else. You're not here to. Make anybody else happy. Yes, those are good things to want, and there’s nothing wrong with trying to help or please others. But when it comes down to it, it's your life and you can't. make everybody else happy at your expense of your own happiness. Yes, your family is your family, but you can still choose how often to associate with them, if at all. This happens all the time. Sometimes you just got to trim off the fat you know. Cut back the weeds, so to speak.
What about your coworkers? Can't choose who your employer hires. This is also true. You don't get to pick who gets hired. The same thing still applies. You have control over your interactions with them. You don't have to go out with them for drinks or associate with them outside of work. They’re coworkers. If you have to talk with them as part of your job then do so or find a new job if you need to go that far to get away from them. You aren’t required to listen to their gossip or how many beers they drank last night. You can limit your interactions. And choose how you want to deal with them. The less time spent with them the better it will be for you. That leaves you free to spend your time with someone who might actually add some substance to your life. Someone who makes you feel happy. Whatever it is that YOU value.
So it all comes back to your personal assessment and what you find valuable in your life.
Follow these 4 simple steps.
- Decide what you value
- Determine who/what in your life is adding to that value
- Figure out who/what is either taking away from that value, or not contributing to it.
- Ditch whoever/whatever that is.
Those steps will set you on the right path to improving your life. Now there is much more to being happy and successful than just not hanging out with bad eggs. You also need to find better people. You should also need to work on yourself more in depth. (Which is a topic for a whole other day), But this is a GREAT start.
This in no way is me saying that you must hate these people and yell and throw stones at them or condemn their way of living. Each is entitled to do as they please. And if sitting on the couch eating pizza rolls and binge-watching Vampire Diaries for weeks is their idea of a good time, so be it. But you have other plans. You have more goals. Ones that you can’t achieve by being a couch potato. Why must it be that if you aren’t friends, you’re enemies? I can think of several people whom I have no desire to call up and go grab dinner with. However, I hope that they find happiness and success. I just don’t feel that I have to be there to accommodate that at my own expense. Some of them I care deeply for. We are just on paths that are so completely different, in order to walk together one of us must leave our path for the other. And to think you, or anyone, has the right to say “my life is more important, your happiness comes second to mine, walk with me” is wrong. And the people who would believe that are definitely not the ones you should be around. So, find kind of a middle ground. Realize that your life would be better without them and get back on your path. There’s no need for explanation. It’s your life, you don’t have to validate your decisions to anyone else. You don’t have to tell them why you’ve decided to not be around them. You can, if you so choose to, as I said it is your life so how you handle this is at your discretion. I’m just here to provide your options. One will improve the quality of your life. If you start hanging out with a better quality of people, then your life will improve. You hang around other people who are ambitious and have goals and people who want to go out and do activities or people who want more out of life then you're going to get more out of life just by being around them. If you want to be wealthy, you need to start hanging out with wealthy people. Your broke friend cannot teach you how, or else they would not be your broke friend. The two of you are just going to be broke together. But if you start hanging out with someone who is wealthy, you'll pick up on their habits and learn their money management skills. See how they spend their time, and your life will change. Once again this isn’t just about money, this is just an example. Someone who wants to go out on hikes often and be out in nature and do all kinds of physical activities. They're not going to hang out with the guy who wants to sit on the couch and watch Netflix all day, because that's not what they want to do with their lives.
It's more important than you think, and it sounds really simple because it is. It's about creating a better environment for yourself. You wouldn't want to try and study for your test in a loud bar or at a concert. That's not the place for studying. You want to study in a library or in your room, your living room, somewhere you can focus and life is exactly the same way. You want to create an environment that will allow you to advance your life and to get to where you want to go. So create a better environment for yourself. Associate with people who have value and add value to your life.